The Things People Say at Fantasy Fest

As another Fantasy Fest wraps, I’m looking back at a week spent chronicling the festivities, including my annual tradition of shutting down Tutu Tuesday and going aggressively niche for the Locals Parade. Along the way, I overheard plenty of outrageous, hilarious, and deeply curious remarks.

Here are some of the most memorable, presented with little context.

"Every year, there's always one float with skanks in cages"

—Saturday night parade spectator

"This year was more artistic. I saw less geriatric nudity."

—visiting Brit

"This whole thing is giving University of Miami trust fund baby at capacity"

—onlooker at the crowds of young people

"Every year there’s that one pirate ship that torments me by driving around for three weeks after the parade, holding up traffic because it's a pirate ship!"

"I don't know what sacrifice was made to get us this nice of weather."

"Get ready to flash the Christian protestors."

—Saturday night parade spectators [and they did]

"I thought if I brought along a Rocky hot enough, they would just let him in."

"Are the Teletubbies fighting or humping?"

"I miss the deathly amusement park."

—a conch reminiscing on Goombay

"Why is the best music of the week coming from a deli?"

—a dancer in front of Shorty's

"What if there is some overstock meat sale in Miami we don't know about that's funding Goombay?"

"I can't do urinals. I need a metal box."

—upstairs Rick's LUV2GLOW

"Just use the Moon Man as a landmark."

—Locals Parade

"Everyone thought I was too drunk to do my job, but it was the technician who screwed up."

—a DJ

"Is he gay or pretending to be Australian?"

"When we saw The Greatest Showman float, we sort of gave up, and went 'Yeah, they deserve to win everything."

—a different Saturday night parade float

"My job tonight is to give beads to the people who want to feel beautiful and seen."

"Aging boomers, a wartime economy, and the rain that never came. RIP Fantasy Fest."